Relationships with sons or daughters differ on the playing field of American youth football teams 

Most youth coaches in every sport, I believe initially, become involved because of their own child. Later, they even help coach their child's team.

Despite the inexperience and lack of knowledge of the sport, some are pushed into positions of head coach. That is the sole reason for this Web site. To read and practice its teaching will help the inexperienced tremendously.

To start with, your relationship with your son or daughter must be different on the field than it is at home. On the practice field, constructive criticism is important. How can a player improve if he or she doesn't know what they are doing wrong. A parent should never fear criticizing their own child; however, other people's children should be treated as you treat your own. Praise before the group, but criticize in private.

There are other considerations, too. As an example, imagine a head football coach who is coaching his own son. After the first week of practice, his son's name appears on the roster as a first string quarterback.

You can bet the farm that other parents of players on the team will notice this. Even if they are not present, their child will come home and tell them about practice and the new quarterback. They will likely begin to talk amongst themselves about the team.

Sooner or later, human nature being what it is, some parent is going to complain. Some parent, probably one that has never even been to a practice, is going to get the idea that the coach's son is only the quarterback because he's the coach's son. Eventually that irate parent is going to openly accuse the coach of preferential and unfair treatment.

Now, based on the information at hand, is the coach guilty as charged? Not necessarily; however, he is perceived as guilty.

Unfortunately his actual intentions are completely irrelevant once that perception takes root in the minds of the parents. Anyone in a position of leadership and authority be perceived as honorable, fair, and devoted to his team. His players must know that he can be trusted, because he is trustworthy.

What does it tell the players when their coach tells them to work hard, to give our all, and then places his own child in the most popular position on the team? In my opinion, such action tells them to stop trying, because they cannot trust their coach.

Perhaps that coach's child truly is the best quarterback on the team. He is a natural leader, with poise and confidence beyond his years, and inspires his teammates to play at a higher level. Perhaps that head coach wasn't even the one to make that decision. What if it was the offensive coordinator who selected his son to play quarterback?

There is no way to be completely fair to all parties in this situation. If a coach makes his child the quarterback he'll be accused of playing favorites. If the coach gives another boy the position, then not only is he unfair to his child, but his entire team suffers because a lesser-talented player is running the offense.

Is the coach's son, by virtue of his lineage, not allowed to compete on an equal basis with his teammates for all the positions?

In a situation as this, there is really only one way to be fair, and perceived as fair. That is to refrain from coaching your own child. This is unrealistic and a radical viewpoint, but I think it's an honest one and I mean no disrespect to parent-coaches.

I know this is not usually the case, and most parent-coaches started coaching their child because there just wasn't anyone else to do the job. I applaud the sense of responsibility that made these coaches step forward when they were needed.
There are few coaches, especially at the youth level, that do not have children.

My recommendation is that parents make every effort to avoid coaching their own child, whenever possible. This can be done but requires some creativity. For example, if your son is a linebacker, then you coach the offensive unit, and hand the defense off to your assistant.

There is no perfect solution. What do you do if your son plays both ways? The answer that is, I don't know.

The most important thing to remember is the perception your players have of you.
They must always know that you will do the right thing. They must know that their hard work will be rewarded with their place on the team, and their own playing time.

Your best defense against a charge of favoritism is your players, who will always be able to tell if you are fair and trustworthy.


Coaching your own son or daughter is a huge responsibility, but along with that responsibility comes the equally great responsibility to the players that are not related to you. They too deserve competent, fair coaching from you.